Monday, March 31, 2008
Wasn't Me
In the immortal words of legendary rapper Shaggy, It Wasn't Me. And let me just say for the record my pseudonym is not Emily Leatherman, it's Miss Lippy.
How I Spent My Spring Break
From my favorite student...the one with a long coat is a trench.
M: Hey Miss, how was your spring break?
Me: Good and you? I pretty much slept in everyday.
M: I went to Tennessee to see my boyfriend.
Me: Oh, did he move down there?
M: No, I visited him in prison.
Me: Ohhhh, how did that go?
M: Good, it was weird though. He is like next to where those really bad dudes are. You know like the ones who wear those helmets and shit like in Silence of the Lambs. My boyfriend says those guys are crazy and they just like throw their shit all over the place. laughter Isn't that crazy, Miss.
Me: Yes, that is crazy M.
Ahhh yes, this brings back memories of my life in suburbia when my high school boyfriend was in the clink.
M: Hey Miss, how was your spring break?
Me: Good and you? I pretty much slept in everyday.
M: I went to Tennessee to see my boyfriend.
Me: Oh, did he move down there?
M: No, I visited him in prison.
Me: Ohhhh, how did that go?
M: Good, it was weird though. He is like next to where those really bad dudes are. You know like the ones who wear those helmets and shit like in Silence of the Lambs. My boyfriend says those guys are crazy and they just like throw their shit all over the place. laughter Isn't that crazy, Miss.
Me: Yes, that is crazy M.
Ahhh yes, this brings back memories of my life in suburbia when my high school boyfriend was in the clink.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Eau de Toielette...Why I Love My Job #3
Here's one that will have you shaking your head/staring at the screen in disbelief. This is an excerpt from my 9th period U.S. History class.
L: Miss, 'ya know what? Ms. K (teacher in the science department) did today?
Me: No, what?
L: She drank toilet water!
Me: What did you guys do!!!! (thinking they had played a prank on her)
L: No, really we didn't do anything! She told us that toilet water is just as clean as regular water from the faucet and contains less bacteria. So we said yeah but would you drink toilet water? And she was like yes and sent J to get her a cup full. When J came back with the water she drank the whole cup and when she was done did one of those ahhhhhhhhs, you know to say it was refreshing.
Me: Are you sure this wasn't a joke between J and Ms. K? This is quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.
L: looking to the class to back up her claim Guys, isn't it true?
Class: Yeah Miss we saw her do it!
Me: I don't believe you. I will e-mail her and ask J too before I believe you guys.
The next day...
Me: J did you really make Ms. K drink toilet water?
J: She asked for it and at first I was just going to get water from the sink and tell her it was toilet water, but then I was like, she asked for it. So I did. Miss, it was soooo gross. I almost threw up.
Me: I think I might and I didn't even drink it.
Later in the day I received the e-mail that went something to this effect.
Jennifer:
Yes, I did in fact drink toilet water. It is not a rumor. I know it sounds strange but the water in a toilet is actually quite clean. Did I freak you out? The kids thought it was gross too. See you on Thursday.
-T
Ahhhhh ...the joys of working at my school. I tell you it never ends. I mean really, we teach in a high school with 2800 students and while I feel our school is clean the bathrooms are by no means what I would refer to as thirst quenchers!
I will be back from break on Monday so I am sure there will be something to post about soon!
L: Miss, 'ya know what? Ms. K (teacher in the science department) did today?
Me: No, what?
L: She drank toilet water!
Me: What did you guys do!!!! (thinking they had played a prank on her)
L: No, really we didn't do anything! She told us that toilet water is just as clean as regular water from the faucet and contains less bacteria. So we said yeah but would you drink toilet water? And she was like yes and sent J to get her a cup full. When J came back with the water she drank the whole cup and when she was done did one of those ahhhhhhhhs, you know to say it was refreshing.
Me: Are you sure this wasn't a joke between J and Ms. K? This is quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.
L: looking to the class to back up her claim Guys, isn't it true?
Class: Yeah Miss we saw her do it!
Me: I don't believe you. I will e-mail her and ask J too before I believe you guys.
The next day...
Me: J did you really make Ms. K drink toilet water?
J: She asked for it and at first I was just going to get water from the sink and tell her it was toilet water, but then I was like, she asked for it. So I did. Miss, it was soooo gross. I almost threw up.
Me: I think I might and I didn't even drink it.
Later in the day I received the e-mail that went something to this effect.
Jennifer:
Yes, I did in fact drink toilet water. It is not a rumor. I know it sounds strange but the water in a toilet is actually quite clean. Did I freak you out? The kids thought it was gross too. See you on Thursday.
-T
Ahhhhh ...the joys of working at my school. I tell you it never ends. I mean really, we teach in a high school with 2800 students and while I feel our school is clean the bathrooms are by no means what I would refer to as thirst quenchers!
I will be back from break on Monday so I am sure there will be something to post about soon!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Suit Up!
Because I am too neurotic for words, last night we began the search for the coveted First Communion suit that we will need in May. I have quite the expectations for this suit. If I had it my way I would get him a seersucker suit so that he would look like a page out of a Ralph Lauren catalog. This is not possible for two reasons. 1. I don't want him getting beat up in the church parking lot for looking like a "dork". 2. We have had to shop in the "husky" section and that is just a whole lotta seersuckerness.
On our sojourn to JC Penny we found many a husky suits. I have my opinions about this suit believe you me, but so does D. He wants black. I say, this isn't a funeral you get blue, tan or grey. However, I realize that getting him to wear this damn thing is more important. D was so excited trying these on. He could tell he was a "big boy". My dad told me in the dressing room while trying on the pants D said, "Pa, I think I put on a little weight." He has thanks to this. So now thanks to this the weight gain has slowed down.
In typical Jen fashion, the suit we purchased would not be the be all and end all. Sure there was more to see. Carson's...no. Von Maur...no. Nordstrom...yes, for $260. My husband thinks I am nuts. I think my brother is paying so why should I care (he is the Godfather). Yes, it is extravagant, but it is a beautiful suit. Perhaps in 6 years J can wear it?
We didn't buy it, but we did buy the shirt and tie and shoes at Nordstrom. If D had it his way we would have gotten a pair of black Crocs and called it a day. You should of heard D looking at the ties. With is hand rubbing his chin in deep thought he says to the 20 something salesman, "Hmmmm...I need something fashionable." I was all for this red number that just screamed "Body of Christ". He ended up with a yellow one that is nice but not as bold as the red. I almost got him to get a purple one but no luck.
I would like to say this trip is over, but I know myself better than that. My dad was online looking today for more choices. He found some for $600 plus. I say $260 is a bargain.
On our sojourn to JC Penny we found many a husky suits. I have my opinions about this suit believe you me, but so does D. He wants black. I say, this isn't a funeral you get blue, tan or grey. However, I realize that getting him to wear this damn thing is more important. D was so excited trying these on. He could tell he was a "big boy". My dad told me in the dressing room while trying on the pants D said, "Pa, I think I put on a little weight." He has thanks to this. So now thanks to this the weight gain has slowed down.
In typical Jen fashion, the suit we purchased would not be the be all and end all. Sure there was more to see. Carson's...no. Von Maur...no. Nordstrom...yes, for $260. My husband thinks I am nuts. I think my brother is paying so why should I care (he is the Godfather). Yes, it is extravagant, but it is a beautiful suit. Perhaps in 6 years J can wear it?
We didn't buy it, but we did buy the shirt and tie and shoes at Nordstrom. If D had it his way we would have gotten a pair of black Crocs and called it a day. You should of heard D looking at the ties. With is hand rubbing his chin in deep thought he says to the 20 something salesman, "Hmmmm...I need something fashionable." I was all for this red number that just screamed "Body of Christ". He ended up with a yellow one that is nice but not as bold as the red. I almost got him to get a purple one but no luck.
I would like to say this trip is over, but I know myself better than that. My dad was online looking today for more choices. He found some for $600 plus. I say $260 is a bargain.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Why I Love My Job #2
This year I volunteered to facilitate a class at school called Tomcat Time. Basically this is an advisory/make you feel good about yourself class for students. The school piloted the program last year and due to its success expanded it this year. The idea is to take a group of 15-20 (in my case only 11) students either all boys or all girls pair them up with a teacher who is the same sex and guide them through life in high school all four years (or in our school 5-6 years).
When this program was first discussed I was on maternity leave and wasn't involved so, in its inception year I was not a part of this. At the end of last school year the principal asked me to take a Tomcat Time which I agreed to with one stipulation. I wanted boys. Girl high school drama does not appeal to me. Plus should these girls ever get into a fight for sure blood would be shed. Luckily there was a shortage of male teachers so my request was granted.
On the first day introduction, I mentioned their former Tomcat Time teacher had taken a new job and weren't they lucky to have me?!? I told them not to worry because as a mom of two boys, I "knew about boy parts." This made them chuckle.
Fast forward to last week. Here is a trascript of a day in the life of my Tomcat Time. This was a discussion between myself and two sophomore boys, J & E.
J:Miss(more on this title later) name 10 words that begin with "J".
Me: Jump. Jolly
J: No, they have to be nouns.
Me: hmmm Jelly.......javelin....
E: joker....
we look at each other thinking intensely when....
E: (excitedly and loudly) JIZZ. JIZZ begins with J.
Me: (uncontrollable laughter) Yes, Jizz does begin with J.
E: Let's look it up in the dictionary and see if it's there.
Me: Let's just say you are right and call it a day.
E: That was funny, wasn't it Miss?
Me: Yes it was E.
When this program was first discussed I was on maternity leave and wasn't involved so, in its inception year I was not a part of this. At the end of last school year the principal asked me to take a Tomcat Time which I agreed to with one stipulation. I wanted boys. Girl high school drama does not appeal to me. Plus should these girls ever get into a fight for sure blood would be shed. Luckily there was a shortage of male teachers so my request was granted.
On the first day introduction, I mentioned their former Tomcat Time teacher had taken a new job and weren't they lucky to have me?!? I told them not to worry because as a mom of two boys, I "knew about boy parts." This made them chuckle.
Fast forward to last week. Here is a trascript of a day in the life of my Tomcat Time. This was a discussion between myself and two sophomore boys, J & E.
J:Miss(more on this title later) name 10 words that begin with "J".
Me: Jump. Jolly
J: No, they have to be nouns.
Me: hmmm Jelly.......javelin....
E: joker....
we look at each other thinking intensely when....
E: (excitedly and loudly) JIZZ. JIZZ begins with J.
Me: (uncontrollable laughter) Yes, Jizz does begin with J.
E: Let's look it up in the dictionary and see if it's there.
Me: Let's just say you are right and call it a day.
E: That was funny, wasn't it Miss?
Me: Yes it was E.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Why I Love My Job #1
This is an oldie but a goodie. This was during my co-teaching years. D and I worked together for 3 years and together have amassed a book/sitcom worth of student comments. And if M knew she made the blog her smile would light up a room.
Backdrop: Room 182. January 2007. U.S. History: Introduction to WWI.
D: During WWI there were several tactics used. One of which were trenches. Does anyone know what a trench is?
insert crickets chirping... and then finally a hand goes up...
M: A long coat?
insert the two compassionate teachers laughing/cracking up to, of course, make her feel validated
D: Yes, WWI was won with the use of long coats.
We love M.
Backdrop: Room 182. January 2007. U.S. History: Introduction to WWI.
D: During WWI there were several tactics used. One of which were trenches. Does anyone know what a trench is?
insert crickets chirping... and then finally a hand goes up...
M: A long coat?
insert the two compassionate teachers laughing/cracking up to, of course, make her feel validated
D: Yes, WWI was won with the use of long coats.
We love M.
In the beginning...
I tell stories. This is what I do. I love to do it. My friend Kathy tells me I would be good at blogging because I have so many good stories. This was two years ago. I knew it was bad when last week I sent her something to put on her blog as a "Guest Blogger". I know, sad.
I am a mother. This is also what I do. I love being a mother though this is infinitely harder as the years go by. D and J (The Boys) bring an enormous amount of joy/tears to my life. I am proud to be their mom.
I am a wife. This is also what I do. J is a great husband who, besides being my best friend puts up with my insanity, also brings me Diet Cokes whenever I ask and peels my oranges for me. I can't decide which is better. My family always tells him, "J you picked her. We're stuck with her." To whit he responds, "I wouldn't have it any other way." Or something to that effect.
I am a teacher. This is also what I do. I love being a teacher. More importantly I love where I teach. In what I commonly refer to as a suburban school with an urban population, I have truly found my niche. This school is over 85% minorities and 200% personality and while their love for learning is not where our fearless leader claims it should be, I am blessed to have them (even the bangers) in my life. You will get to know them over time. Their comments are hysterical and their journals even better. Those postings will have you peeing.
I am a student. This is also what I do. I love being in school. I am currently seeking my Type 75 which to those not in "the biz", I want to become an administrator. School was NEVER easy for me, yet as an adult I find it so rewarding. You know how people ask you "What was the most important moment of your life"? Most people say the birth of their children or the day they got married. I am not most people. Mine is the day I graduated from college then grad school. I accomplished these milestones in my life on my own terms with only myself to rely on (minus the help editing numerous papers by mom). All in all, I love pomp and circumstance.
I am a daughter. This is also what I do. My mom is a retired teacher/chauffeur to The Boys. My dad is a retired school administrator. More on my choice to become a teacher later.
I am a sister. This is also what I do. Geebs is a great brother and even better attorney. Well, at least I think so. I haven't needed a divorce... though he was my attorney when we refinanced but I didn't get to see him in all his Alan Shore glory. Though from what I can gather he is quite good and we are all proud...minus the whole I heart Republicans thing.
So now, let's begin...
I am a mother. This is also what I do. I love being a mother though this is infinitely harder as the years go by. D and J (The Boys) bring an enormous amount of joy/tears to my life. I am proud to be their mom.
I am a wife. This is also what I do. J is a great husband who, besides being my best friend puts up with my insanity, also brings me Diet Cokes whenever I ask and peels my oranges for me. I can't decide which is better. My family always tells him, "J you picked her. We're stuck with her." To whit he responds, "I wouldn't have it any other way." Or something to that effect.
I am a teacher. This is also what I do. I love being a teacher. More importantly I love where I teach. In what I commonly refer to as a suburban school with an urban population, I have truly found my niche. This school is over 85% minorities and 200% personality and while their love for learning is not where our fearless leader claims it should be, I am blessed to have them (even the bangers) in my life. You will get to know them over time. Their comments are hysterical and their journals even better. Those postings will have you peeing.
I am a student. This is also what I do. I love being in school. I am currently seeking my Type 75 which to those not in "the biz", I want to become an administrator. School was NEVER easy for me, yet as an adult I find it so rewarding. You know how people ask you "What was the most important moment of your life"? Most people say the birth of their children or the day they got married. I am not most people. Mine is the day I graduated from college then grad school. I accomplished these milestones in my life on my own terms with only myself to rely on (minus the help editing numerous papers by mom). All in all, I love pomp and circumstance.
I am a daughter. This is also what I do. My mom is a retired teacher/chauffeur to The Boys. My dad is a retired school administrator. More on my choice to become a teacher later.
I am a sister. This is also what I do. Geebs is a great brother and even better attorney. Well, at least I think so. I haven't needed a divorce... though he was my attorney when we refinanced but I didn't get to see him in all his Alan Shore glory. Though from what I can gather he is quite good and we are all proud...minus the whole I heart Republicans thing.
So now, let's begin...
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